I’ve Got Gazelle Intensity

I’m fired up! Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University gets better and better each week. My husband and I have a working budget. It covers all the bases, keeps our spending in check, and will eventually allow us to live the way that we want to live without being slave to our debts.

Tonight we covered lesson 4, Dumping Debt. I think I’ve cried a bit before about how the credit card companies and the loan companies and the banks seem like they control our lives. But, like Dave says, it doesn’t have to be that way. Dayman and I are in the process of Baby Step 2 in the program. We’re on our way to becoming debt free. Using Dave’s Debt Snowball program, we pay off the smallest debt first, regardless of interest rates. Once that debt is paid off, the amount you would have spent monthly on that first debt is applied to the next debt. And so on.

We have stopped borrowing. As of two minutes ago, we’ve cut up EVERY SINGLE CREDIT CARD! We’re running from the cheetah, and we’re going to get away!!!!! I think I will probably talk more about the Dave Ramsey course in the future. I really believe that the principles set forth in this financial plan will completely change our lives. For the first time, we will control our money instead of letting it control us.

If you feel like you are drowning, and there is no hope, take comfort from Proverbs 6:1-5 (TNIV):

My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have shaken hands in pledge for a stranger, you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth.

So do this, my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbors’ hands: Go — to the point of exhaustion — and give your neighbor no rest! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids.

Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler.

Amen.

Peace, linden.

Staggered

Sometimes the Depression sneaks up on you.

It’s a creepy, vicious stalker. It sidles behind you at the computer desk and begins to massage cold, invisible, skeletal fingers along your temples. You rub and knead to deflect the discomfort. A nerve in your shoulder jumps and scurries to avoid the attack. You shrug it off, as yet unknowing.

Your brain begins to misfire, dragging you away from your work. You stare vacuously at the screen. Coming to, moments later, you begin your work anew. Fingertips enjoy the tactile pleasure of striking individual keys. The smart, satisfying click of each button is an encouragement to keep typing. You rub the shiny squares lightly as you process your thoughts. You chance a glance to the right, where a hefty and volatile to-do list urgently beckons. It begs you to make just one check-mark in its neatly printed boxes.

You panic. Breathing heavily, you glance about without focusing on any specific point or object in the desk nook. Your thoughts race, wander, imagine, deflect an oncoming fear. Short, sturdy fingernails find a home piercing the fleshy bits of your palms. The pain allows you to focus and regain your composure. You improve your posture, tap the keys quickly and with purpose. As you sit tall and high, you glance over your right shoulder as if to confirm that nothing lurks behind you.

But the beast’s claws are still able to clamp, vise-like around your throat. You swallow against the building pressure, working your throat muscles around the new, mysterious mass that has taken up an esophageal residence. Your stomach tenses, and your lip trembles as the realization dawns: the Depression has arrived.

Its weight settles about your shoulders and drags you to the cool tile floor. It’s comforting to have the ground hold you up as the tears fall.

A Good Life-Purpose is Hard to Find

I’ve written a lot lately about how I want to channel my idealism and actually start making a difference in the world. I’ve mused on various ways I can help my community and the different stones I can use to build my path.

What I want to do now is interview some people who actually are creating positive change. Like nonprofit organization leaders, homeless shelter volunteers, environmentalists, missionaries and politicians who cut the crap, ignore the bureaucracy, and get their jobs done.

If you know anyone who fits that description, or anyone who inspires you and would be willing to email with me a little bit, would you mind sending them my way? I wouldn’t take up too much of their time, but I would really like to gather up some inspiring stories to steer me in the right direction.

capitalization for tree huggers

In high school I refrained from capitalizing my name because I wanted to emulate e.e. cummings. I admired his poetry. And, like many angst-ridden teens, I fancied myself a blossoming poet. I used cummings’ disregard for the conventions of capitalization as the main example in an English essay written to defend my “right to not capitalize.” I wish I still had the essay, because it convinced my teacher to let me use my lowercase name on all assignments.

I didn’t capitalize my name for about ten years. Then one day I got tired of fighting the automatic “mistake wizard” in Microsoft Word. So, I gave up. At the time I argued that it was a mature decision. I was breaking into the world of print journalism. The paper’s style guidelines did not include an allowance for one reporter who wanted to flaunt convention.

I now wish I had staunchly maintained that quirk. It was something I believed in, a cause (albeit a small one) that I fought for many years. I had to defend my non-capitalization countless times to teachers, instructors and professors. In the end, they all agreed to not penalize me for not following “the rules.”

Why is it that, as I get older, I don’t fight for the things that used to be important? I understand that my priorities have changed. In high school and college, I had only myself to consider. Now, I have two children and a husband in my care. Does that necessarily have to change the causes I champion? Does that mean that I can’t take time to buck the system just a little? Perhaps not. I follow a number of issues, and I have many strong opinions about politics and the environment. I think that now is a great time for me to carve out some time to devote to educating others about my beliefs!

If you’re interested, visit this link to learn more about the peak oil crisis. It’s time that we learn how to stop our dependence on foreign oil. It’s also time for us to really start looking for alternate energy sources before it’s too late!

Can’t hug me? Go hug a tree!

lwh

Baby Steps

Psychiatrist: You care too much about the world. You take it all too seriously. You need to lighten up.

Me: But there are people dying of malaria in Africa. Malaria. Really. And then there’s the homeless. And there are poor people right here in our little town. People who have to decide whether to have dinner or pay the light bill. And there are old people who are lonely, and young people who have no friends, and people who don’t have running water…

Psychiatrist: So what are you doing to help? And why do you think you can change all of that?

I am an idealist. I firmly believe that if we all work toward a common goal, that it can be achieved, no matter the cost. But one of things that makes the world so great — diversity — is also one of the things that prevents everyone from working together.

Catch 22.

I wrote about this briefly in Gifts, where I mentioned my struggle to discover how best to use my talents. I bring it up again because of a comment my father left on that post:

Just remember that when God made the world, he made it of lots of small pieces. The largest mountain is made of many small stones. Each one plays its part and is important in its own right. If we wait for the one big thing we think we should do with our lives, we may be missing the many opportunities to do lots of small things that bring happiness, help and hope to others.

Thanks for the advice, Dad. I’ll still worry about malaria in Africa, but I’m going to cut myself a little more slack. Instead of waiting for my big chance to save the world, I’m going to work a little harder at the small things. Baby steps. It’s all about baby steps…

A Note about the Recipes

After redesigning the blog and reading older posts, I have to admit that the ones that talk about recipes are boring.

I had good intentions when I started this blog. I wanted to write more. I wanted to write about important, life-changing events. I wanted to catalog my thirty-day experiments and take notes. I wanted to motivate others to make changes in their lives, too.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been a very good cheerleader. (My career ended in sixth grade.) I am excited about all the new veggie recipes I’ve been making, but I can’t get inspired enough to write about them without yawning. So, farewell to the freelindy cooking school. If I come across something really fabulous, I’ll put a nice little link at the bottom of a post. Otherwise, I think I’ll focus on the other things that inspire me, like dead writers and empty beaches!

p.s. The stuffed zucchini recipe was really gross. Go for the curried chick peas and dahl instead.

Can you spell f-e-l-a-f-e-l? Better yet, can you make it?

Yummy fruit has replaced cookies for dessert!

I started the month-long vegetarian experiment yesterday. Though it wasn’t scheduled to begin until August 1, I’ve been dying to try some of the recipes that I discovered while conducting my “veggie research.”  So we got a head start.

Gifts

The only picture on my wall

I love artwork and I adore music. In church, I revel in the soaring and inspiring music prepared each week by the organist and choir. In a gallery or museum, I lose myself in pondering the skill it must take to complete a painting or sculpture. Much to my chagrin, I am practically tone-deaf, though I am adept at drawing stick figures.

The Beach

ponte vedra

There is nothing more serene than a deserted beach at dawn. Listening to the familiar, eternal sounds of water falling upon water, falling upon sand… I can begin to imagine peace. How far removed is this scene from the usual view of sunrise? Monday through Friday those pink and orange clouds peak between overpasses. They are briefly glimpsed between fast food signs and billboards, if they are noticed at all.  

Why am I a hypocrite?

In my defense, I think everyone, at some point, is a hypocrite. We all have higher expectations of others than we do of ourselves (with a nod to Noam Chomsky.) And thus, in an effort to make a better person of myself, I’m going to “lose” my hypocrisy…