Staggered

Sometimes the Depression sneaks up on you.

It’s a creepy, vicious stalker. It sidles behind you at the computer desk and begins to massage cold, invisible, skeletal fingers along your temples. You rub and knead to deflect the discomfort. A nerve in your shoulder jumps and scurries to avoid the attack. You shrug it off, as yet unknowing.

Your brain begins to misfire, dragging you away from your work. You stare vacuously at the screen. Coming to, moments later, you begin your work anew. Fingertips enjoy the tactile pleasure of striking individual keys. The smart, satisfying click of each button is an encouragement to keep typing. You rub the shiny squares lightly as you process your thoughts. You chance a glance to the right, where a hefty and volatile to-do list urgently beckons. It begs you to make just one check-mark in its neatly printed boxes.

You panic. Breathing heavily, you glance about without focusing on any specific point or object in the desk nook. Your thoughts race, wander, imagine, deflect an oncoming fear. Short, sturdy fingernails find a home piercing the fleshy bits of your palms. The pain allows you to focus and regain your composure. You improve your posture, tap the keys quickly and with purpose. As you sit tall and high, you glance over your right shoulder as if to confirm that nothing lurks behind you.

But the beast’s claws are still able to clamp, vise-like around your throat. You swallow against the building pressure, working your throat muscles around the new, mysterious mass that has taken up an esophageal residence. Your stomach tenses, and your lip trembles as the realization dawns: the Depression has arrived.

Its weight settles about your shoulders and drags you to the cool tile floor. It’s comforting to have the ground hold you up as the tears fall.

Social Networking for Shy People

I’m confused. And tired. And confused. I had a plan. It looked something like:

• Gather clips of my best advertorial writing.
• Re-write my resume
• Look up freelance writing jobs
• Apply for freelance writing jobs
• Uhhh… get a freelance writing job?
• Prove I’m a fabulous writer by wowing my employer with my motivation, energy, passion, education, ability to follow directions, and, of course, my literary wit
• Have first writing gig translate into a full-time writing career
• Quit boring day job
• Have more time with kids
• Have more time to volunteer
• Have more time for church
• Have more time for the green revolution
• Enjoy the “creative life”
• Get out of debt
• Buy a house
• Keep enjoying the “creative life” while blogging about my favorite topics (environment, personal growth, politics, baking, cooking, vegetarian and sustainable living, and random enjoyment of strange news that no one else reports on)
• Read a lot of books
• Retire
• Save the world
• Read more books

As I began to research the proper way to go about starting a freelance writing career, I found I needed:

• To have a blog (check)
• To post to that blog often (not so check)
• To post relevant, interesting, stimulating stuff in a niche (not so check)
• To create a fabulous group of people through social networking sites (miniature check)
• To Digg, Twitter, Stumbleupon, etc.

Bear with me. I started a blog. I post when the mood strikes, about whatever the mood strikes. But the, you know, 35 people who’ve seen the blog, aren’t really motivated about what I write. That’s cool. I can handle rejection.

What I can’t handle, apparently, is social networking on the Internet. I’ve admitted before that I’m not a super social butterfly. I like people. I think other people can be cool. They can be mean, funny, annoying, inspiring, irrational and, above all, interesting. But I never know what to say. I try to think of interesting topics, and my mouth freezes up. I’m completely intimidated. Seriously, it’s taken nine months of my kids being in daycare for me to get on a first name basis with all of the teachers. Nine months. I see these women five days a week. Oi. And I’m so proud that I can actually carry on a conversation with them now. Sad. I’m sad.

So, it should be easier on the Internet. Right? No.

There are so many online services out there. Why isn’t there a social networking site for people who are shy? For people who don’t know people? For people interested in joining a group? For people who want to be part of something different. Something that is easy-to-use and goes beyond the randomness of the “What are you doing now?” sites.

I believe I may have stumbled upon (ha ha… stumble… never mind) a social networking site that does just that… BlueGooseNews.com. Go check it out. Discover what a social entrepreneur is. Join a group. Change the world. Create a blog, post pics and videos… and feel like you are a central part of a bustling community that cares about its members, and rewards them, too!

World Future Fund

As I scroll through the freelance writing job boards each morning, I look for opportunities to not only get a paying gig, but also to get a paying gig that matters. I want to use my words to make a difference. This week I applied for an editorial position with the World Future Fund. (No word, yet. I’ll keep you posted.) Update: I’m not the “write” candidate!

This nonprofit organization is committed to educating people “about the need for a greater commitment to investment in the future, particularly in the field of environmental policy.” What greater purpose could my writing expertise serve than this? I believe that we all need to be more concerned with the greater global future.

I also believe that it is our nature to focus on the present, and the foreseeable future. It is not in our nature to concern ourselves with problems that will arise fifty years from now. Or five hundred. Or five thousand. After all, it’s difficult to think about next month, much less the next millennium.

Eco-awareness groups need to focus on the lack of vision of the general public. It’s difficult to encourage conservation efforts when the people reading or hearing the message do not understand the consequences of each consumer choice.

I recently heard that the most important word used in persuasive writing is “because.” This word lends authority and reason to any argument. Groups who are trying to spread the word about conservation, recycling and eco-awareness need to use more, and better, persuasive writing to teach the public.

Recycling is important because our resources are limited. Purchasing local produce is important because it cuts down on pollution from transporting items and supports your local economy. Reducing our dependence upon oil and petroleum is important because oil supplies are rapidly disappearing.

Here’s my bit of persuasion for today: You should visit the World Future Fund website because it will provide you with substantial evidence that our ecological future is more doubtful now than it ever has been. You should read the reports section and check out the “World Future Outlook” because it will give you cause to wonder if we’re already too late with the “green” movement.

A Good Life-Purpose is Hard to Find

I’ve written a lot lately about how I want to channel my idealism and actually start making a difference in the world. I’ve mused on various ways I can help my community and the different stones I can use to build my path.

What I want to do now is interview some people who actually are creating positive change. Like nonprofit organization leaders, homeless shelter volunteers, environmentalists, missionaries and politicians who cut the crap, ignore the bureaucracy, and get their jobs done.

If you know anyone who fits that description, or anyone who inspires you and would be willing to email with me a little bit, would you mind sending them my way? I wouldn’t take up too much of their time, but I would really like to gather up some inspiring stories to steer me in the right direction.

capitalization for tree huggers

In high school I refrained from capitalizing my name because I wanted to emulate e.e. cummings. I admired his poetry. And, like many angst-ridden teens, I fancied myself a blossoming poet. I used cummings’ disregard for the conventions of capitalization as the main example in an English essay written to defend my “right to not capitalize.” I wish I still had the essay, because it convinced my teacher to let me use my lowercase name on all assignments.

I didn’t capitalize my name for about ten years. Then one day I got tired of fighting the automatic “mistake wizard” in Microsoft Word. So, I gave up. At the time I argued that it was a mature decision. I was breaking into the world of print journalism. The paper’s style guidelines did not include an allowance for one reporter who wanted to flaunt convention.

I now wish I had staunchly maintained that quirk. It was something I believed in, a cause (albeit a small one) that I fought for many years. I had to defend my non-capitalization countless times to teachers, instructors and professors. In the end, they all agreed to not penalize me for not following “the rules.”

Why is it that, as I get older, I don’t fight for the things that used to be important? I understand that my priorities have changed. In high school and college, I had only myself to consider. Now, I have two children and a husband in my care. Does that necessarily have to change the causes I champion? Does that mean that I can’t take time to buck the system just a little? Perhaps not. I follow a number of issues, and I have many strong opinions about politics and the environment. I think that now is a great time for me to carve out some time to devote to educating others about my beliefs!

If you’re interested, visit this link to learn more about the peak oil crisis. It’s time that we learn how to stop our dependence on foreign oil. It’s also time for us to really start looking for alternate energy sources before it’s too late!

Can’t hug me? Go hug a tree!

lwh

A Conversation About Freelancing

I’ve mentioned before how much I enjoy reading the freelance job postings on Freelance Writing Jobs. Today I actually engaged in (GASP!) commenting on a post. Though I’ve had a few comments here at freelindy — and thanks to those of you who took time to show me a little love — my shyness usually overwhelms me even online.

Today, however, I broke my silence. The bloggers in the FWJ community are running a contest to see who the next professional poster on the site will be. In this freelance version of American Idol, one anonymous candidate, Megatron, had the idea for all the writers to talk about the writing habits they believe they share with others and the habits they think are unique. Everyone has found a “buddy” with whom they can compare writing stories and experiences.

Many of the responses amused me. Some people can write with Dave Matthews blaring, some write better in the morning, and some can write only with total silence. Some of the responses inspired me. There are writers with chronic illnesses, those who (like me) are intimidated by the query process, and those who have a unique ability to inspire and encourage other writers.

The sense of community engendered from the post really amazed me. It has been truly rewarding to follow the conversation today and to note that fellowship does not necessarily require a physical presence. Props to FWJ, and to Megatron, for presenting freelancers everywhere an opportunity for meaningful, inspiring conversation about their craft.

A Note about the Recipes

After redesigning the blog and reading older posts, I have to admit that the ones that talk about recipes are boring.

I had good intentions when I started this blog. I wanted to write more. I wanted to write about important, life-changing events. I wanted to catalog my thirty-day experiments and take notes. I wanted to motivate others to make changes in their lives, too.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been a very good cheerleader. (My career ended in sixth grade.) I am excited about all the new veggie recipes I’ve been making, but I can’t get inspired enough to write about them without yawning. So, farewell to the freelindy cooking school. If I come across something really fabulous, I’ll put a nice little link at the bottom of a post. Otherwise, I think I’ll focus on the other things that inspire me, like dead writers and empty beaches!

p.s. The stuffed zucchini recipe was really gross. Go for the curried chick peas and dahl instead.

On the death of Alexander Solzhenitsyn

This morning I was saddened to note that the writing community lost an important, if controversial voice. Alexander Solzhenitsyn died on Sunday at the age of 89. Last month, while unpacking a box of books, I came across my copy of One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich . After I finished organizing the bookshelf, I spent a few hours re-reading Solzhenitsyn’s most famous novel.

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich details 24-hours in the life of a political prisoner in a Russian gulag, or prison camp. The story highlights the camp’s harsh conditions, and concentrates mainly on the importance of survival. Though Ivan Denisovich’s story is fiction, it was based on Solzhenitsyn’s own seven-year imprisonment in the 1950’s.

Reading One Day reminded me again of the cruelty humans can unleash upon other humans. Even now how many people are held as political prisoners, caught up in the intrigues of nations? How many of the accused are as innocent as Ivan Denisovich? How many are guilty of treason or crimes of terrorism? How many are incarcerated only because they spoke against oppression? How many prisoners will perish at the hands of government officials, their objections forever silenced?

Though I don’t necessarily believe that the Western ideal of democracy is the right form of government for every nation, I do feel blessed to live in a country where I can express my beliefs without prejudice. Alexander Solzhenitsyn was exiled from his motherland for writing about his experiences in the gulag. He exercised his literary voice at the expense of his Russian citizenship and his home.

I often take my right to write for granted. I can type a blog post on any subject and remain free of persecution. I can write a novel about anything, create a website about anything, as long as I don’t infringe on the rights of others. But even today, there are many who are not as fortunate as I.

As writers we would all do well to remember that we have a unique opportunity to speak out against the issues we oppose. Alexander Solzhenitsyn was one voice, one pen. His novels revealed the inhumane conditions to which Russian political prisoners were exposed. His legacy forever changed the world’s view of the USSR.

What can your pen do?

The Best Laid Plans

Robert Burns, an eighteenth century Scottish poet, is one of my favorite writers. His poetry expresses his pure love of language and the rhythm of speech. That being said, my favorite Burns poem is To a Mouse on Turning Her Up in Her Nest with the Plough, November 1785.It’s a cumbersome title, but the jist of the poem is that he’s reflecting on what happens to this mouse once he’s ruined her “wee-bit heap o’ leaves an’ stibble.” The final stanzas are my favorite:

A New Semester in the College of Life

For the past month I’ve been looking nonstop at FWJ (Freelance Writing Jobs) to figure out how I can build a portfolio as a freelance writer so I can quit my painfully boring day job and do something I love. I’ve read every blog post on the site for a month. I’ve scoured the job leads. I’ve worked on my resume. And I’ve wasted countless hours in a fruitless search for any live links to one of the 300 or so advertorial articles I wrote over a seven year period for a local newspaper. (Apparently they don’t archive advertising!)